I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
