Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize