He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
