I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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