I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
