I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
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Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
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The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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