Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
