guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
