my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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