Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
