Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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