her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
