you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
