Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
