So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Help me help you realize you are a moron
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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