Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
