umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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