guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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