There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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