She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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