Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
