butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
