I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
