Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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