Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
