You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
