dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
