stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
