Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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