he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
