Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
