The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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