He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
