he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
