So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
