I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
