Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
