Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Randomize
