GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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