I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
