My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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