Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize