Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
nutella sex= disaster
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
