new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
