Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
