If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
