Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
