I cannot find my penis.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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