Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
