He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
