Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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