Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
