4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
