Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
