You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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