just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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