i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
