everyone is single if you try hard enough
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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