DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
