Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
