would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize