We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
