bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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