"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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