What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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