those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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