My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
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Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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