Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
