Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
