low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
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