We won't sleep together?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's never too late to be topless.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
