Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
