Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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