uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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