there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
