I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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