Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
