Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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