see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
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I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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