the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
