Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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