did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
