can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
where am i from again
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
