You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
