What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just high enough for therapy.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
