You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
